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I've been home now for 12 days. First day I could not even walk unassisted but I am doing so much better now. I still can't go up more than two stairs without coming close to passing out. Same thing with crouching down and then standing up. I am walking with a cane for balance, and backup to lean on for when I suddenly get dizzy. My body is weak but getting stronger and closer to normal every day. The steroids they have me on to keep brain swelling down make me have constant cravings and intense hunger, and I just want to devour everything. It has also given me a rash and made my face puffy... I feel pretty awesome overall though, and everyone says that the half-shaved head actually is a cute look for me. I feel pretty. I feel strong and in control and more capable overall than I ever have in my life. I'm making so many plans and I know that they are going to be successful... I am so excited about everything, and so grateful for everything, and so freaking happy... I feel born again, in a very physical sense.
I look back a couple of entries and find myself cracking up over the post-surgery gibberish I wrote. Maybe it's not really funny--if that after-effect hadn't gone away I would have been devastated. But the Lord is good, and He spared me that pain, and granted me the miracle I had asked of Him. My life is unbelievably full right now, but I believe it. I feel like I'm flying, all the time. It is so amazing.
People can see so many positive changes in me, and I can see them in myself. My faith in God is stronger than ever before... My faith in, and love for people, is suddenly... there. How can I feel negative about anything or anyone? I know now that truly everything is possible through Christ. I knew this before and I believed it, but now I have experienced it in such a personal, tangible way. This is my reality--Heaven is a place close to Earth.
The Hell that was once a place inside my mind will never return to me in any capacity. I tasted Death, I lived through that agony... It is gone forever. Praise the Lord, Praise His Holy Name forever and ever. My heart just sings now, all the time. And I can hardly keep from singing out loud every day, it just happens.
I am alive. I am alive and well. I am well!!
Jesus laid His hands on me in that operating room; He guided the hands of my surgeon, Dr. Nicholas Barbaro. The Father formed those hands, that man, blessed him with that amazing gift and led him to where he is today, and it saved my life. It GAVE me life.
I have not ceased to feel constant inspiration since the first surgery--I'm not sure why; perhaps when they cut into my skull, there was room for all of the ideas to just come in... Such a fanciful notion, I know, but I like it.
I am currently writing an EEnE fic that I'm very proud of, and I have new ideas for the novel--one of them inspired by something brilliant that my beautiful, sweet, faithful friend Pegan said. God bless her, I am so grateful for her.
I am never going to stop talking about this, and every dream I've ever had is going to come true, I just know it. I will never stop working toward my goals, I will give every project 100% from now on and raise all of my standards to absolute perfection and accept nothing less from myself. In my past I was an intentional underachiever and I treated myself so badly, and I didn't even know how to properly appreciate all of the wonderful people in my life because everything going on inside my head was so messed up. I know better and can do better now, and BEST is all that I will permit myself.
I think I'm going to start a blog, as well as becoming active in all of these different advocacy groups I've joined. I may start vlogging as well. I think that the world needs to hear my story because it will make a really positive difference in people's lives.
I can go to Church again... I can't wait. Oh, to go to Church again every Sunday. What a blessing. Thank God I am free at last.
Epilepsy, you could not hold me. The Lord Jesus conquered you.
Oh boy, so much more to write about... :)
Generalized writing prompts list. Prompts listed in no particular order.
(Earlier in my journal are my thoughts on writing prompts and my explanation of how I come up with mine)
Hope those were helpful! Let me know, fellow readers and writers, what you think. :D
I think the problem is that in all the excitement generated by fandom, it becomes 'trendy' to come up with or redistribute writing prompts, challenges, etc. I think that in order to help others find inspiration, you have to be inspired yourself. If you have nothing fresh to bring to the table, then why act as though you do? It feels good to be involved, sure, but we artists take our craft very seriously and when we need help there is nothing worse than clicking on a link that looks so promising and finding that someone has put very little effort into their 'remedies'. And isn't that what writing prompts are for? Helping writers develop ideas and in that sense at least temporarily 'curing' writer's block?
Now I am of course generalizing, and there might be many out there who disagree with me. If you have been inspired by the endless lists of prompts that you've googled, then I say "More power to you." Maybe it didn't help me, but I'm glad if it's helped someone else.
Being something of a perfectionist though and having given this matter a great deal of thought, I've developed a theory about writing prompts. I think there is a trick to them: They can't be too specific or there is no room for the writer to form their own unique idea, but they can't be too vague either--like a single, very commonly used word--or they won't help to form any idea at all.
I'm taking a shot at trying out a simple formula that I hope will inspire. My method when creating 'generalized lists' is using short phrases that could call to mind a number of different things and that prompt the writer to finish the sentence or figure out what the elusive phrase could mean. And on the occasion that I use a single word, it's one that I don't think is often used in prompts. Nothing as simple as 'beauty', 'pain', etc. Words that we all instantly think of on our own just because they're such common themes, emotions, etc. that no story seems to be free of the concept.
I'll be posting my prompts soon, and I hope that they help some struggling artist to rediscover their vision.
If I have posted any words, phrases, etc. that have been used as prompts on someone else's lists, then it was unintentional. Everything I am offering up occurred to me without me having to 'go fish'. Hopefully it's all original, because my intention is to shake things up and 'bring something fresh'.
My own discovery of how to lift low mood and achieve a state of bliss through little effort.
Do all of these things at once:
1) Drink hot tea, your favorite kind (mine is Jasmine, green)
2) Listen to music that moves and inspires, and overwhelms you. Classical music is great for this. (Rachmaninoff is one of my personal favorites. I have also been deeply affected by the works of Michael Nyman, and Mozart)
3) Gently massage sensitive areas such as the neck and earlobes. Physical, as well as audio and gustation (taste) stimulation combined result in feelings of pleasure.
4) Read something that thrills you, something that manages to be both romantic and funny, or perhaps unique in some other way. Fanfiction, a book of fiction that tickles your fancy, or beautiful poetry.
5) Release the emotions, don't hold them in. Laugh when you have the urge, cry if you feel particularly moved. Accepting the emotional experience heightens it.
EDIT: And open those blinds and let some fresh sunlight in! :)
There are many other ways to increase one's good mood and even activate that state of pure bliss, but I've discovered that these are very effective for me today.
It helps too that I have a purring cat next to me. Soft, silky fur and the rumblings of the purring add to pleasurable tactile sensations. And relaxed, amiable company that doesn't require conversation detracts from the often-distressing state of solitude.
What combination of things do you find intensely pleasurable and effective in dispelling low mood?