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I'M CURED! No more seizures! No more auras! Freeeeeeeeeee!!!!

I've been home now for 12 days. First day I could not even walk unassisted but I am doing so much better now. I still can't go up more than two stairs without coming close to passing out. Same thing with crouching down and then standing up. I am walking with a cane for balance, and backup to lean on for when I suddenly get dizzy. My body is weak but getting stronger and closer to normal every day. The steroids they have me on to keep brain swelling down make me have constant cravings and intense hunger, and I just want to devour everything. It has also given me a rash and made my face puffy... I feel pretty awesome overall though, and everyone says that the half-shaved head actually is a cute look for me. I feel pretty. I feel strong and in control and more capable overall than I ever have in my life. I'm making so many plans and I know that they are going to be successful... I am so excited about everything, and so grateful for everything, and so freaking happy... I feel born again, in a very physical sense.

I look back a couple of entries and find myself cracking up over the post-surgery gibberish I wrote. Maybe it's not really funny--if that after-effect hadn't gone away I would have been devastated. But the Lord is good, and He spared me that pain, and granted me the miracle I had asked of Him. My life is unbelievably full right now, but I believe it. I feel like I'm flying, all the time. It is so amazing.

People can see so many positive changes in me, and I can see them in myself. My faith in God is stronger than ever before... My faith in, and love for people, is suddenly... there. How can I feel negative about anything or anyone? I know now that truly everything is possible through Christ. I knew this before and I believed it, but now I have experienced it in such a personal, tangible way. This is my reality--Heaven is a place close to Earth.

The Hell that was once a place inside my mind will never return to me in any capacity. I tasted Death, I lived through that agony... It is gone forever. Praise the Lord, Praise His Holy Name forever and ever. My heart just sings now, all the time. And I can hardly keep from singing out loud every day, it just happens.

I am alive. I am alive and well. I am well!!

Jesus laid His hands on me in that operating room; He guided the hands of my surgeon, Dr. Nicholas Barbaro. The Father formed those hands, that man, blessed him with that amazing gift and led him to where he is today, and it saved my life. It GAVE me life.

I have not ceased to feel constant inspiration since the first surgery--I'm not sure why; perhaps when they cut into my skull, there was room for all of the ideas to just come in... Such a fanciful notion, I know, but I like it.

I am currently writing an EEnE fic that I'm very proud of, and I have new ideas for the novel--one of them inspired by something brilliant that my beautiful, sweet, faithful friend Pegan said. God bless her, I am so grateful for her.

I am never going to stop talking about this, and every dream I've ever had is going to come true, I just know it. I will never stop working toward my goals, I will give every project 100% from now on and raise all of my standards to absolute perfection and accept nothing less from myself. In my past I was an intentional underachiever and I treated myself so badly, and I didn't even know how to properly appreciate all of the wonderful people in my life because everything going on inside my head was so messed up. I know better and can do better now, and BEST is all that I will permit myself.

I think I'm going to start a blog, as well as becoming active in all of these different advocacy groups I've joined. I may start vlogging as well. I think that the world needs to hear my story because it will make a really positive difference in people's lives.

I can go to Church again... I can't wait. Oh, to go to Church again every Sunday. What a blessing. Thank God I am free at last.

Epilepsy, you could not hold me. The Lord Jesus conquered you.

Oh boy, so much more to write about... :)


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September 2013

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