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*This journal is mainly for the posting of my written works, including fanworks. I will be posting some in the future. I also share writing tips & prompts though, and cover general topics about writing.*
Most other entries are friends-locked. I will add people to my access list if requested, but only if I've had several discussions with them, either through a community or PM.
Message me, if you like. And feedback on my work is always encouraged.
And, of course, comment awayyy~ ^-^
I went deeper into tonight's Yoga routine with this thought that I had read about in an article by a very wise Yogi who knows the practice better than most: That most people are holding Asanas for longer than their bodies benefit from, instead of long enough to unlock whatever their body needed to unlock.
It was a thought I decided to entertain, after maintaining that holding poses like Downward Facing Dog are necessary for building my strength. The next one I suddenly noticed as I stood bent over, was actually unlocking something though that I needed more time with. I hit the pause button on my Yoga app and indulged the stretch for as long as I needed to, and that started happening suddenly with every subsequent pose until I finally noticed something amazing happening in my mind and body even with Downward Dog although I'm not yet strong enough to hold it for as long as I need to--incredible release of tension, increased flexibility, and just something really good deep down in the muscles, tendons and every part of me that I can't really describe with any other word than 'good'.
I was experiencing such relief from emotional agonies as I went through this, following my body's natural modification process as I embraced the deeper nature of Yoga, its incredible healing, and even in Corpse Pose I felt my heart and lungs tapped into by this mysterious process that I don't understand at all beyond the idea of the energy that I've heard some Yoga Nidra teachers talking about being activated or recognized and finally setting some deep tissue healing into motion.
Throughout the entire experience, I was suddenly breathing correctly too. I have been doing all of the Yoga practices from home, going very slowly and carefully and paying close attention to my online teachers as well as the demonstrations through the Yoga app; suddenly, though, it's as if I had some ancient guru standing there with me paying the utmost intensive care to my body as I went through the various Asanas. Mountain Pose, which looks just like a person standing still when I go by the picture on the Yoga app suddenly became a pose that stretched my arms and eventually moved my spine into a forward bending position as if I was going to go back into another downward facing pose.
Muscles I didn't know I had have been activated and soothed and 'opened'. I move better and am finally noticing how intensely sore my body is from holding years and years of tension. I'm over 30 years old! That's a very long time to hold tension but I can remember doing it from the age of at least 3!
I now understand why positions like crouching and squatting as they do in India make for a much better transition into Yoga. Going back to sitting in a chair in order to type this entry actually feels unnatural--the position of my spine, and even my wrists although I'm careful of things like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. It still doesn't feel like what my body naturally wants.
I'm still so amazed, too. I've been getting stronger every day and moving more easily, but wow the flexibility out of the blue tonight!
I'm just so incredibly blessed because tonight I didn't even want to take my medicine--meaning Yoga. I wasn't 'feeling it'. Well, I feel it now but I don't have time for Yoga Nidra. I'll see what happens, I guess. There is a podcast I listen to that has reasonably short sessions. I'm just increasingly more fascinated with all things Yoga.
Wow, I feel good.
Bye.
-L
It was a thought I decided to entertain, after maintaining that holding poses like Downward Facing Dog are necessary for building my strength. The next one I suddenly noticed as I stood bent over, was actually unlocking something though that I needed more time with. I hit the pause button on my Yoga app and indulged the stretch for as long as I needed to, and that started happening suddenly with every subsequent pose until I finally noticed something amazing happening in my mind and body even with Downward Dog although I'm not yet strong enough to hold it for as long as I need to--incredible release of tension, increased flexibility, and just something really good deep down in the muscles, tendons and every part of me that I can't really describe with any other word than 'good'.
I was experiencing such relief from emotional agonies as I went through this, following my body's natural modification process as I embraced the deeper nature of Yoga, its incredible healing, and even in Corpse Pose I felt my heart and lungs tapped into by this mysterious process that I don't understand at all beyond the idea of the energy that I've heard some Yoga Nidra teachers talking about being activated or recognized and finally setting some deep tissue healing into motion.
Throughout the entire experience, I was suddenly breathing correctly too. I have been doing all of the Yoga practices from home, going very slowly and carefully and paying close attention to my online teachers as well as the demonstrations through the Yoga app; suddenly, though, it's as if I had some ancient guru standing there with me paying the utmost intensive care to my body as I went through the various Asanas. Mountain Pose, which looks just like a person standing still when I go by the picture on the Yoga app suddenly became a pose that stretched my arms and eventually moved my spine into a forward bending position as if I was going to go back into another downward facing pose.
Muscles I didn't know I had have been activated and soothed and 'opened'. I move better and am finally noticing how intensely sore my body is from holding years and years of tension. I'm over 30 years old! That's a very long time to hold tension but I can remember doing it from the age of at least 3!
I now understand why positions like crouching and squatting as they do in India make for a much better transition into Yoga. Going back to sitting in a chair in order to type this entry actually feels unnatural--the position of my spine, and even my wrists although I'm careful of things like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. It still doesn't feel like what my body naturally wants.
I'm still so amazed, too. I've been getting stronger every day and moving more easily, but wow the flexibility out of the blue tonight!
I'm just so incredibly blessed because tonight I didn't even want to take my medicine--meaning Yoga. I wasn't 'feeling it'. Well, I feel it now but I don't have time for Yoga Nidra. I'll see what happens, I guess. There is a podcast I listen to that has reasonably short sessions. I'm just increasingly more fascinated with all things Yoga.
Wow, I feel good.
Bye.
-L
"Dwell within," are the words that come to mind. Most obviously within both purusha and prakriti, states of being that are two separate components taught in Yogic Philosophy ("Yoga is a dualist philosophy, working with two fundamental realities: purusha, meaning "pure consciousness," and prakriti, meaning "matter."). I believe that the purpose of meditation within Yoga is to achieve more focus in and experience more of the reality of these two foundational principles. I believe that we can embody them and go through the process of reaching moksha before anything like the process of "Ascension" need take place.
I find purity in the very concept of the niyamas ("the values that should be followed, such as purity, self-study and contemplation of God.). Although the religion is opposite to my own in almost every way, the core of this philosophy expresses so much of what I strive for daily. In Philosophy, I find great empowerment and meaning.
What does it mean to dwell within? I have had so many radical fictional ideas that I just now, having embarked on my discovery of the Philosophy of Yoga, realize that they--the characters' goals and beliefs, and the religious institutions I have created in my world-building, and the deities themselves that I have designed for my 'lesser' characters--are so close to something sacred that is inside of me, and:
If I embody these mysterious concepts and energies, then perhaps I also live inside of them in some way and they are something that is alive and pulsating through myself and every living organism.
This is not so much a declaration of a new religious belief as it is a contemplation of the state of spiritual matter, an essence, and the vibrancy of our own metaphysical beings within the species of humanity.
As I ponder Yoga Nidra for tonight, I am pensive and I wonder at the nature of things, their complexity and their seeming aloofness. How precious knowledge must be if it stands afar.
My thoughts as of late...
-L
"P.S." Omg. Are my D&D characters Hindu? (not literally, but in their method of practicing their religions... 0.0 )
I find purity in the very concept of the niyamas ("the values that should be followed, such as purity, self-study and contemplation of God.). Although the religion is opposite to my own in almost every way, the core of this philosophy expresses so much of what I strive for daily. In Philosophy, I find great empowerment and meaning.
What does it mean to dwell within? I have had so many radical fictional ideas that I just now, having embarked on my discovery of the Philosophy of Yoga, realize that they--the characters' goals and beliefs, and the religious institutions I have created in my world-building, and the deities themselves that I have designed for my 'lesser' characters--are so close to something sacred that is inside of me, and:
If I embody these mysterious concepts and energies, then perhaps I also live inside of them in some way and they are something that is alive and pulsating through myself and every living organism.
This is not so much a declaration of a new religious belief as it is a contemplation of the state of spiritual matter, an essence, and the vibrancy of our own metaphysical beings within the species of humanity.
As I ponder Yoga Nidra for tonight, I am pensive and I wonder at the nature of things, their complexity and their seeming aloofness. How precious knowledge must be if it stands afar.
My thoughts as of late...
-L
"P.S." Omg. Are my D&D characters Hindu? (not literally, but in their method of practicing their religions... 0.0 )
Pain is a process
Jul. 17th, 2023 11:19 amPain came to the forefront of my mind when I asked myself what I was feeling in the moment while listening to the "Yoga Revealed" podcast, Ep 1, and at first I interpreted it as anger. Upon further examination, really looking inward and capturing the feeling so it couldn't escape me and I could analyze it carefully, I realized that it was grief. I have been grieved over the whole world. For so many reasons, the pain that has infiltrated every part of me until I can't even sleep without holding tension in my body and my heart races all of the time, I have been unable to even process the immense measures of grief that I have felt. The death of family members, the death of trust in the human species, and the slow downward spiral of my ability to just relax and let myself feel peace in the presence of God.
The pain and other negative emotions are things that I have learned to hold inside of a few seconds so that I can understand and process them before I then actively choose to release them. In this way, I can close the door on them, having finally had closure.
As far as my ideas concerning the ego, I am still learning more about the Yogic concept of Ego because I know that it is different from the Western understanding of what the ego is according to the Psychological principles taught by Sigmund Freud and his predecessors and others who share the same profession in this world that is so far apart from the teachings we learn in Eastern medicine, including those of Yoga. The idea of experiencing what is called "Ego Death" had me rejecting much of the practice initially, and if it is indeed something that does away with the spirit of competition against others, even a little bit, then I don't want to go that far because while my primary obstacle is my own self-destructiveness and limiting of self toward discovery, healing, and embracing my own power, I also like to remember the accomplishments of others and explore how I might slowly work toward 'transcending' above them someday; not in the sense of denying their own personal growth and achievements, but in the sense of building on their work and respectfully taking things to the next level.
As much as the last few lines might seem like a load of self-justifying B.S., I sincerely mean what I said--that I feel these urges to surpass 'the master' with only the utmost respect in mind. I can't disrespect my teachers and mentors who I am learning so much from and who without I would never have gotten to a place of tentative peace and transformative mindfulness. These people and what they give to me is precious and I carry it in my heart every day. That is why I fully hold these ideas of Compassionate Reconstruction with such tenderness inside of me, and take their philosophy further; a student learns and seeks to meet new and higher standards for the sake of the progress of others even if nothing of Ego is involved for them personally.
In fact, I have learned a lot about myself in the past few years and the way that my mind works, concerning fiction but everything else as well, is to build upon a thing after breaking it down and/or scrutinizing it carefully. I think that the way I will find my center of Power is by looking at that urge that is deeply ingrained in every part of me, especially after growing up Military, and accepting it with the embrace of a mother who deeply loves her child and accepts them with everything in her.
Having begun this Journey in Yoga, I am thinking and feeling everything so much more clearly and I'm finally aware of so many negative thoughts that were always competing with one another inside of my head and basically layering until my entire self was just a bundle of fraught tension and expectancy towards yet more pain. As I receive each thought now, I remember after a few minutes to grab hold and reflect briefly on the deeper and true meaning of them, give compassionate permission for its existence and why it came to be in the first place, and then gently release it by replacing it with its positive and joyful belief which is actually the correct one. As I do so, the discomfort of Cognitive Dissonance fades and I find a place that feels more like my center and less like a network of angry knots.
Physically, I feel very 'bright' toward the idea of the challenge in Yoga. I did a Google search on my phone and took a screenshot of something that carries a lot of meaning for me. I will type out the main part: When it comes to building muscle in Yoga, we are 'limited' to lifting our own body weight and it may take a lot more skill, time, and determination than it would with lifting weights. Now, I have great respect and actually much admiration for the art of Bodybuilding--talk about commitment! I even know someone personally who combines Bodybuilding with Yoga to carefully sculpt the exact figure that she desires for herself and indeed she is an artful result of her own imagining. This idea presented to me in response to someone else's idea that Yoga has limitations though is something that doesn't sit right with me--the longer someone practices, and the more they study different styles, the more muscular and toned they will become by the natural process of the art of Yoga. It might not appear as bulk, but the student of Yoga is still getting stronger all of the time. I feel a serene excitement as I picture the great competition against my own body weight; this image in my mind inspires me to start lifting myself up repeatedly even outside of Asanas.
Today I hold optimism and relief as I look forward to further immersion in the culture of Yoga as well as just practicing it on the mat, and I must add in closing that I slept so much better last night after practicing Yoga Nidra right before bed. ^_^
-L
The pain and other negative emotions are things that I have learned to hold inside of a few seconds so that I can understand and process them before I then actively choose to release them. In this way, I can close the door on them, having finally had closure.
As far as my ideas concerning the ego, I am still learning more about the Yogic concept of Ego because I know that it is different from the Western understanding of what the ego is according to the Psychological principles taught by Sigmund Freud and his predecessors and others who share the same profession in this world that is so far apart from the teachings we learn in Eastern medicine, including those of Yoga. The idea of experiencing what is called "Ego Death" had me rejecting much of the practice initially, and if it is indeed something that does away with the spirit of competition against others, even a little bit, then I don't want to go that far because while my primary obstacle is my own self-destructiveness and limiting of self toward discovery, healing, and embracing my own power, I also like to remember the accomplishments of others and explore how I might slowly work toward 'transcending' above them someday; not in the sense of denying their own personal growth and achievements, but in the sense of building on their work and respectfully taking things to the next level.
As much as the last few lines might seem like a load of self-justifying B.S., I sincerely mean what I said--that I feel these urges to surpass 'the master' with only the utmost respect in mind. I can't disrespect my teachers and mentors who I am learning so much from and who without I would never have gotten to a place of tentative peace and transformative mindfulness. These people and what they give to me is precious and I carry it in my heart every day. That is why I fully hold these ideas of Compassionate Reconstruction with such tenderness inside of me, and take their philosophy further; a student learns and seeks to meet new and higher standards for the sake of the progress of others even if nothing of Ego is involved for them personally.
In fact, I have learned a lot about myself in the past few years and the way that my mind works, concerning fiction but everything else as well, is to build upon a thing after breaking it down and/or scrutinizing it carefully. I think that the way I will find my center of Power is by looking at that urge that is deeply ingrained in every part of me, especially after growing up Military, and accepting it with the embrace of a mother who deeply loves her child and accepts them with everything in her.
Having begun this Journey in Yoga, I am thinking and feeling everything so much more clearly and I'm finally aware of so many negative thoughts that were always competing with one another inside of my head and basically layering until my entire self was just a bundle of fraught tension and expectancy towards yet more pain. As I receive each thought now, I remember after a few minutes to grab hold and reflect briefly on the deeper and true meaning of them, give compassionate permission for its existence and why it came to be in the first place, and then gently release it by replacing it with its positive and joyful belief which is actually the correct one. As I do so, the discomfort of Cognitive Dissonance fades and I find a place that feels more like my center and less like a network of angry knots.
Physically, I feel very 'bright' toward the idea of the challenge in Yoga. I did a Google search on my phone and took a screenshot of something that carries a lot of meaning for me. I will type out the main part: When it comes to building muscle in Yoga, we are 'limited' to lifting our own body weight and it may take a lot more skill, time, and determination than it would with lifting weights. Now, I have great respect and actually much admiration for the art of Bodybuilding--talk about commitment! I even know someone personally who combines Bodybuilding with Yoga to carefully sculpt the exact figure that she desires for herself and indeed she is an artful result of her own imagining. This idea presented to me in response to someone else's idea that Yoga has limitations though is something that doesn't sit right with me--the longer someone practices, and the more they study different styles, the more muscular and toned they will become by the natural process of the art of Yoga. It might not appear as bulk, but the student of Yoga is still getting stronger all of the time. I feel a serene excitement as I picture the great competition against my own body weight; this image in my mind inspires me to start lifting myself up repeatedly even outside of Asanas.
Today I hold optimism and relief as I look forward to further immersion in the culture of Yoga as well as just practicing it on the mat, and I must add in closing that I slept so much better last night after practicing Yoga Nidra right before bed. ^_^
-L
Tags:
My bare feet touched the bathroom tile after my bath; I nearly wept. The incredible sweep through my soul of such a soothing and guiding spiritual hand that I know is from God was nearly undoing, but I had to keep it together because I'm human and I have human affairs to tend to.
What would happen if I let myself stand barefoot several times a day in the bathroom, the only uncarpeted area in my small apartment that my cat doesn't also tread on? I imagine standing there with the ZenJournal app open on my phone, chronicling the many emotions and deep spiritual experiences that happen during this simple but ancient spiritual practice that is globally shared--getting bare feet as close as possible to the earth itself.
Since starting to practice Yoga I have had little emotional breakthroughs in my mind and body which have run on nervous, high-energy tension all of my life. Experiencing the thoughts and feelings that I encounter after Yoga is something so subtle in its depth that I have to remind myself to slow down, take notice, and really let myself feel it and process these precious moments.
Since starting to practice Yoga I have noticed that both my body and my mind have experienced little shifts, most notably the sudden honesty and awareness of ego in myself as I am suddenly aware of my thoughts. How selfish and self-driven has my earthly experience been? We tell ourselves little lies to get through the day, the night, our entire lives. We become comfortable, complacent.
I have become aware of something about the ego and its purpose, to keep us driven and performing to the best of our ability. I have come to arrive at a thought that feels so new that it may even be unique, and it startles me: The concept of 'Compassionate Competition'. Slowing down and letting myself feel each moment and appreciating with compassionate embracing of my entire being that my urge to compete with myself is good enough and that I don't need to compete against someone else. That the personal convictions within and the personal goals that I establish for myself are better for me than yet one more thing that I allow the outside world to determine for me.
I am walking away from pressure. I am releasing chaos and tension. I am leaving behind a world of tension and spiritual masochism, and entering into the new Journey toward Enlightenment which may be really less hokey than it has sounded to me, and really might be my own personal Journey toward Salvation.
-L
What would happen if I let myself stand barefoot several times a day in the bathroom, the only uncarpeted area in my small apartment that my cat doesn't also tread on? I imagine standing there with the ZenJournal app open on my phone, chronicling the many emotions and deep spiritual experiences that happen during this simple but ancient spiritual practice that is globally shared--getting bare feet as close as possible to the earth itself.
Since starting to practice Yoga I have had little emotional breakthroughs in my mind and body which have run on nervous, high-energy tension all of my life. Experiencing the thoughts and feelings that I encounter after Yoga is something so subtle in its depth that I have to remind myself to slow down, take notice, and really let myself feel it and process these precious moments.
Since starting to practice Yoga I have noticed that both my body and my mind have experienced little shifts, most notably the sudden honesty and awareness of ego in myself as I am suddenly aware of my thoughts. How selfish and self-driven has my earthly experience been? We tell ourselves little lies to get through the day, the night, our entire lives. We become comfortable, complacent.
I have become aware of something about the ego and its purpose, to keep us driven and performing to the best of our ability. I have come to arrive at a thought that feels so new that it may even be unique, and it startles me: The concept of 'Compassionate Competition'. Slowing down and letting myself feel each moment and appreciating with compassionate embracing of my entire being that my urge to compete with myself is good enough and that I don't need to compete against someone else. That the personal convictions within and the personal goals that I establish for myself are better for me than yet one more thing that I allow the outside world to determine for me.
I am walking away from pressure. I am releasing chaos and tension. I am leaving behind a world of tension and spiritual masochism, and entering into the new Journey toward Enlightenment which may be really less hokey than it has sounded to me, and really might be my own personal Journey toward Salvation.
-L
Tags:
- compassionate competition,
- eastern medicine,
- enlightenment,
- finding jesus in unexpected places,
- grounding,
- healing,
- healing in my faith,
- lifelong embrace of the inward journey,
- meditation,
- metaphysical,
- nirvana,
- personal awareness,
- personal journey towards becoming a yogi,
- philosophical thoughts,
- philosophy,
- redefining,
- redemption,
- the little things,
- yoga
I'M CURED! No more seizures! No more auras! Freeeeeeeeeee!!!!
I've been home now for 12 days. First day I could not even walk unassisted but I am doing so much better now. I still can't go up more than two stairs without coming close to passing out. Same thing with crouching down and then standing up. I am walking with a cane for balance, and backup to lean on for when I suddenly get dizzy. My body is weak but getting stronger and closer to normal every day. The steroids they have me on to keep brain swelling down make me have constant cravings and intense hunger, and I just want to devour everything. It has also given me a rash and made my face puffy... I feel pretty awesome overall though, and everyone says that the half-shaved head actually is a cute look for me. I feel pretty. I feel strong and in control and more capable overall than I ever have in my life. I'm making so many plans and I know that they are going to be successful... I am so excited about everything, and so grateful for everything, and so freaking happy... I feel born again, in a very physical sense.
I look back a couple of entries and find myself cracking up over the post-surgery gibberish I wrote. Maybe it's not really funny--if that after-effect hadn't gone away I would have been devastated. But the Lord is good, and He spared me that pain, and granted me the miracle I had asked of Him. My life is unbelievably full right now, but I believe it. I feel like I'm flying, all the time. It is so amazing.
People can see so many positive changes in me, and I can see them in myself. My faith in God is stronger than ever before... My faith in, and love for people, is suddenly... there. How can I feel negative about anything or anyone? I know now that truly everything is possible through Christ. I knew this before and I believed it, but now I have experienced it in such a personal, tangible way. This is my reality--Heaven is a place close to Earth.
The Hell that was once a place inside my mind will never return to me in any capacity. I tasted Death, I lived through that agony... It is gone forever. Praise the Lord, Praise His Holy Name forever and ever. My heart just sings now, all the time. And I can hardly keep from singing out loud every day, it just happens.
I am alive. I am alive and well. I am well!!
Jesus laid His hands on me in that operating room; He guided the hands of my surgeon, Dr. Nicholas Barbaro. The Father formed those hands, that man, blessed him with that amazing gift and led him to where he is today, and it saved my life. It GAVE me life.
I have not ceased to feel constant inspiration since the first surgery--I'm not sure why; perhaps when they cut into my skull, there was room for all of the ideas to just come in... Such a fanciful notion, I know, but I like it.
I am currently writing an EEnE fic that I'm very proud of, and I have new ideas for the novel--one of them inspired by something brilliant that my beautiful, sweet, faithful friend Pegan said. God bless her, I am so grateful for her.
I am never going to stop talking about this, and every dream I've ever had is going to come true, I just know it. I will never stop working toward my goals, I will give every project 100% from now on and raise all of my standards to absolute perfection and accept nothing less from myself. In my past I was an intentional underachiever and I treated myself so badly, and I didn't even know how to properly appreciate all of the wonderful people in my life because everything going on inside my head was so messed up. I know better and can do better now, and BEST is all that I will permit myself.
I think I'm going to start a blog, as well as becoming active in all of these different advocacy groups I've joined. I may start vlogging as well. I think that the world needs to hear my story because it will make a really positive difference in people's lives.
I can go to Church again... I can't wait. Oh, to go to Church again every Sunday. What a blessing. Thank God I am free at last.
Epilepsy, you could not hold me. The Lord Jesus conquered you.
Oh boy, so much more to write about... :)
I've been home now for 12 days. First day I could not even walk unassisted but I am doing so much better now. I still can't go up more than two stairs without coming close to passing out. Same thing with crouching down and then standing up. I am walking with a cane for balance, and backup to lean on for when I suddenly get dizzy. My body is weak but getting stronger and closer to normal every day. The steroids they have me on to keep brain swelling down make me have constant cravings and intense hunger, and I just want to devour everything. It has also given me a rash and made my face puffy... I feel pretty awesome overall though, and everyone says that the half-shaved head actually is a cute look for me. I feel pretty. I feel strong and in control and more capable overall than I ever have in my life. I'm making so many plans and I know that they are going to be successful... I am so excited about everything, and so grateful for everything, and so freaking happy... I feel born again, in a very physical sense.
I look back a couple of entries and find myself cracking up over the post-surgery gibberish I wrote. Maybe it's not really funny--if that after-effect hadn't gone away I would have been devastated. But the Lord is good, and He spared me that pain, and granted me the miracle I had asked of Him. My life is unbelievably full right now, but I believe it. I feel like I'm flying, all the time. It is so amazing.
People can see so many positive changes in me, and I can see them in myself. My faith in God is stronger than ever before... My faith in, and love for people, is suddenly... there. How can I feel negative about anything or anyone? I know now that truly everything is possible through Christ. I knew this before and I believed it, but now I have experienced it in such a personal, tangible way. This is my reality--Heaven is a place close to Earth.
The Hell that was once a place inside my mind will never return to me in any capacity. I tasted Death, I lived through that agony... It is gone forever. Praise the Lord, Praise His Holy Name forever and ever. My heart just sings now, all the time. And I can hardly keep from singing out loud every day, it just happens.
I am alive. I am alive and well. I am well!!
Jesus laid His hands on me in that operating room; He guided the hands of my surgeon, Dr. Nicholas Barbaro. The Father formed those hands, that man, blessed him with that amazing gift and led him to where he is today, and it saved my life. It GAVE me life.
I have not ceased to feel constant inspiration since the first surgery--I'm not sure why; perhaps when they cut into my skull, there was room for all of the ideas to just come in... Such a fanciful notion, I know, but I like it.
I am currently writing an EEnE fic that I'm very proud of, and I have new ideas for the novel--one of them inspired by something brilliant that my beautiful, sweet, faithful friend Pegan said. God bless her, I am so grateful for her.
I am never going to stop talking about this, and every dream I've ever had is going to come true, I just know it. I will never stop working toward my goals, I will give every project 100% from now on and raise all of my standards to absolute perfection and accept nothing less from myself. In my past I was an intentional underachiever and I treated myself so badly, and I didn't even know how to properly appreciate all of the wonderful people in my life because everything going on inside my head was so messed up. I know better and can do better now, and BEST is all that I will permit myself.
I think I'm going to start a blog, as well as becoming active in all of these different advocacy groups I've joined. I may start vlogging as well. I think that the world needs to hear my story because it will make a really positive difference in people's lives.
I can go to Church again... I can't wait. Oh, to go to Church again every Sunday. What a blessing. Thank God I am free at last.
Epilepsy, you could not hold me. The Lord Jesus conquered you.
Oh boy, so much more to write about... :)
Writing Prompts - List One
Aug. 20th, 2013 11:02 pmGeneralized writing prompts list. Prompts listed in no particular order.
(Earlier in my journal are my thoughts on writing prompts and my explanation of how I come up with mine)
( Click for my first 110 prompts. )Hope those were helpful! Let me know, fellow readers and writers, what you think. :D
My take on Writing Prompts
Aug. 20th, 2013 10:15 pmAs a writer, I am always on the lookout for inspiration. Over the years I have combed the web for helpful writing prompts--usually during times of distressing writer's block. I've seen many different compilations, but the more I look the more I notice that there seems to be some pattern that emerges with most of them. The prompts look recycled, common, stick to one theme even when they're meant to have variety, and in the worst cases are just examples of laziness where the person who put together the list just decided to throw out random words that are supposed to hit us with brilliant ideas. Now every effort is appreciated of course, but if I'm being completely honest about my thoughts on the latter, well, I just want to say, "Oh, please. If it were that easy I'd just pick up my dictionary."
I think the problem is that in all the excitement generated by fandom, it becomes 'trendy' to come up with or redistribute writing prompts, challenges, etc. I think that in order to help others find inspiration, you have to be inspired yourself. If you have nothing fresh to bring to the table, then why act as though you do? It feels good to be involved, sure, but we artists take our craft very seriously and when we need help there is nothing worse than clicking on a link that looks so promising and finding that someone has put very little effort into their 'remedies'. And isn't that what writing prompts are for? Helping writers develop ideas and in that sense at least temporarily 'curing' writer's block?
Now I am of course generalizing, and there might be many out there who disagree with me. If you have been inspired by the endless lists of prompts that you've googled, then I say "More power to you." Maybe it didn't help me, but I'm glad if it's helped someone else.
Being something of a perfectionist though and having given this matter a great deal of thought, I've developed a theory about writing prompts. I think there is a trick to them: They can't be too specific or there is no room for the writer to form their own unique idea, but they can't be too vague either--like a single, very commonly used word--or they won't help to form any idea at all.
I'm taking a shot at trying out a simple formula that I hope will inspire. My method when creating 'generalized lists' is using short phrases that could call to mind a number of different things and that prompt the writer to finish the sentence or figure out what the elusive phrase could mean. And on the occasion that I use a single word, it's one that I don't think is often used in prompts. Nothing as simple as 'beauty', 'pain', etc. Words that we all instantly think of on our own just because they're such common themes, emotions, etc. that no story seems to be free of the concept.
I'll be posting my prompts soon, and I hope that they help some struggling artist to rediscover their vision.
If I have posted any words, phrases, etc. that have been used as prompts on someone else's lists, then it was unintentional. Everything I am offering up occurred to me without me having to 'go fish'. Hopefully it's all original, because my intention is to shake things up and 'bring something fresh'.
Enjoy! :)
I think the problem is that in all the excitement generated by fandom, it becomes 'trendy' to come up with or redistribute writing prompts, challenges, etc. I think that in order to help others find inspiration, you have to be inspired yourself. If you have nothing fresh to bring to the table, then why act as though you do? It feels good to be involved, sure, but we artists take our craft very seriously and when we need help there is nothing worse than clicking on a link that looks so promising and finding that someone has put very little effort into their 'remedies'. And isn't that what writing prompts are for? Helping writers develop ideas and in that sense at least temporarily 'curing' writer's block?
Now I am of course generalizing, and there might be many out there who disagree with me. If you have been inspired by the endless lists of prompts that you've googled, then I say "More power to you." Maybe it didn't help me, but I'm glad if it's helped someone else.
Being something of a perfectionist though and having given this matter a great deal of thought, I've developed a theory about writing prompts. I think there is a trick to them: They can't be too specific or there is no room for the writer to form their own unique idea, but they can't be too vague either--like a single, very commonly used word--or they won't help to form any idea at all.
I'm taking a shot at trying out a simple formula that I hope will inspire. My method when creating 'generalized lists' is using short phrases that could call to mind a number of different things and that prompt the writer to finish the sentence or figure out what the elusive phrase could mean. And on the occasion that I use a single word, it's one that I don't think is often used in prompts. Nothing as simple as 'beauty', 'pain', etc. Words that we all instantly think of on our own just because they're such common themes, emotions, etc. that no story seems to be free of the concept.
I'll be posting my prompts soon, and I hope that they help some struggling artist to rediscover their vision.
If I have posted any words, phrases, etc. that have been used as prompts on someone else's lists, then it was unintentional. Everything I am offering up occurred to me without me having to 'go fish'. Hopefully it's all original, because my intention is to shake things up and 'bring something fresh'.
Enjoy! :)
How to Access Euphoria
Nov. 4th, 2012 12:10 pmEDIT on 8-20-2013: For a long while now I have noticed and pondered the correlation between creative personalities and depression. I wrote this entry one day when I started out feeling depressed and the things I describe in it helped me to go from depressed to... euphoric. lol XD I will write more seriously about this issue in the future, for this entry was written when I was feeling rather whimsical and it doesn't sufficiently address each point of 'curative behavior'. Nevertheless, it is a fun read. :)
My own discovery of how to lift low mood and achieve a state of bliss through little effort.
Do all of these things at once:
1) Drink hot tea, your favorite kind (mine is Jasmine, green)
2) Listen to music that moves and inspires, and overwhelms you. Classical music is great for this. (Rachmaninoff is one of my personal favorites. I have also been deeply affected by the works of Michael Nyman, and Mozart)
3) Gently massage sensitive areas such as the neck and earlobes. Physical, as well as audio and gustation (taste) stimulation combined result in feelings of pleasure.
4) Read something that thrills you, something that manages to be both romantic and funny, or perhaps unique in some other way. Fanfiction, a book of fiction that tickles your fancy, or beautiful poetry.
5) Release the emotions, don't hold them in. Laugh when you have the urge, cry if you feel particularly moved. Accepting the emotional experience heightens it.
EDIT: And open those blinds and let some fresh sunlight in! :)
There are many other ways to increase one's good mood and even activate that state of pure bliss, but I've discovered that these are very effective for me today.
It helps too that I have a purring cat next to me. Soft, silky fur and the rumblings of the purring add to pleasurable tactile sensations. And relaxed, amiable company that doesn't require conversation detracts from the often-distressing state of solitude.
What combination of things do you find intensely pleasurable and effective in dispelling low mood?
My own discovery of how to lift low mood and achieve a state of bliss through little effort.
Do all of these things at once:
1) Drink hot tea, your favorite kind (mine is Jasmine, green)
2) Listen to music that moves and inspires, and overwhelms you. Classical music is great for this. (Rachmaninoff is one of my personal favorites. I have also been deeply affected by the works of Michael Nyman, and Mozart)
3) Gently massage sensitive areas such as the neck and earlobes. Physical, as well as audio and gustation (taste) stimulation combined result in feelings of pleasure.
4) Read something that thrills you, something that manages to be both romantic and funny, or perhaps unique in some other way. Fanfiction, a book of fiction that tickles your fancy, or beautiful poetry.
5) Release the emotions, don't hold them in. Laugh when you have the urge, cry if you feel particularly moved. Accepting the emotional experience heightens it.
EDIT: And open those blinds and let some fresh sunlight in! :)
There are many other ways to increase one's good mood and even activate that state of pure bliss, but I've discovered that these are very effective for me today.
It helps too that I have a purring cat next to me. Soft, silky fur and the rumblings of the purring add to pleasurable tactile sensations. And relaxed, amiable company that doesn't require conversation detracts from the often-distressing state of solitude.
What combination of things do you find intensely pleasurable and effective in dispelling low mood?
